I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
