If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
