She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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