it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
