he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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