hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
