I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
