how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There r osticjed everywhere
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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