Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
