My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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