So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
