Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
