i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize