Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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