dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
