when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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