i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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