dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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