literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
