I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
