hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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