I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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