My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
