Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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