He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
