Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
