So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
