the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
