ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
