dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
