So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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