nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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