so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
