This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
