apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
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If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
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it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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