you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
