Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
false alarm, still single
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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