what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
