The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
