are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
