I seem to have left my pride at pride
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
