I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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