just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize