My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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