ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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