You smell like a Billy Joel song
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
