Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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