She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if only i could text you this smell
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
