Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
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I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
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I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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