I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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