This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
