Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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