She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
