Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sorry about my life...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
