I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
