i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
