i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
