evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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