I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
