Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
