just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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