So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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