Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
