Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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