am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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