I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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