You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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