I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
do herpes really smell.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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