yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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