WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
