I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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