Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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