You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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