Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize