I just saw a hot homeless man
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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