Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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