Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
